I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
