I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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