I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
