i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
