I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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