One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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