i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Never joke about your clitoris.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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