I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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