Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
