I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
