I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
whose parrot is this?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
