I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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