Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
