quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
