Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
