Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
