This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
