I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
