apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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