Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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