Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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