you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
only you would photoshop your dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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