loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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