When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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