I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
