I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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