this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
