The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
