As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
