would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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