I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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