i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
