Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
