my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
