The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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