3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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