Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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