is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Randomize
