well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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