thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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