don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
