he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
