How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
