i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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