She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
