That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
