I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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