great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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