I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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