New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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