dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
