i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
