onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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