Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
