Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
