I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All the doctor said was why
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
