this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
