Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
