Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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