3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
