we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
