there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
