she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
