no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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