He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
