Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
