i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
