The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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