i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
