I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
