some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
