Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
