i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
false alarm, still single
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
