I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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