Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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