apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
